Handling Challenging People
One of the most difficult parts of leading Life Groups is that they involve people, and people (including us!) are messy. Our goal is to welcome everyone into our community, while maintaining a safe setting for people to experience connection and growth. As a leader, it can be challenging to have someone in your group who talks too much – the “over-talker” – or someone who doesn’t talk at all – the “under-talker”.
Below are some tips for how to best love and encourage the over-talkers and the under-talkers in your group while creating a safe and healthy Life Group environment.
The Over Talkers
Over-talkers have an answer for every question and every answer seems to go on forever. They are usually very knowledgeable and kind-hearted. They just don’t always have the skills needed to help you keep things on track. Some over-talkers are able to talk for a long time without breathing at all. Or perhaps they’ve mastered the ability to speak while inhaling as well as exhaling. You need to have the courage to help them wrap things up.
What a Life Group leader can do:
The secret to dealing with over-talkers is to remember that the group is usually desperate for the leader to do something. You can begin by working to draw others out. Look for a quick breath, no matter how short, to jump in and allow others to contribute. Over-talkers aren’t the enemy. In fact, they will bring profound points to the conversation. Turn over-talkers into allies by talking to them privately after the group. Compliment their openness, explain the goals for drawing everyone into the discussion, and ask them to help by being an active listener and creating space for others to share.
The Under-Talkers
Under-talkers can be easy to miss because they never bother the other group members. In fact, they’ve become experts at hiding under the radar screen. Under-talkers need very gentle coaching and encouragement to share.
What a Life Group leader can do:
Some under-talkers feel afraid of speaking in front of groups, so help them break the ice by asking them for feedback on a specific question. Give them the option to “pass” but gently welcome their sharing. Remind the group often that it needs everyone’s contribution to grow. Break your group into partners or smaller groups of 3-4 for a few of the questions so that the under-talker has a chance to share. Also, consider talking with them privately outside of group just to let them know you value them and you’d love to hear from them in group.
PRAY!!!
Remember to pray for those in your Life Group. Pray for those who are challenging and ask God to give you a great sense of love and care for them. Ask God for wisdom in knowing how to best love and encourage the over-talkers and under-talkers in your group.