What To Do When Leadership Gets Difficult

Leading a Life Group can be a lot of fun, but it can also be difficult.  Every seasoned Life Group leader will tell you that at some point in their journey, leading a group was messy and challenging.  And if they’re honest, many leaders will even tell you that leadership got so hard that at times they wondered if they should just give up and close the group.  Every leader and every Life Group will face challenging seasons, but when you press through and make it to the other side, your group will be even stronger and healthier!

Can conflict in a Life Group really be healthy?
Many leaders think that a truly successful group is one that is conflict-free and pain-free.  But what if some conflict was actually a sign of growth and health?

Pastor Mike Breen and some others came up with what they call the four stages of a Life Group to show that healthy Life Groups typically go through four stages or phases, including some conflict or dissension.  Typically it takes about a year to get through all four stages.  A summary is below, but we will focus primarily on stage 2 which involves conflict.

Stage 1: The Honeymoon Period (1-3 months)  
Everyone is excited about the group!

Stage 2 : The Dissension Period (4-6 months)
Members of the group and even the leader become unenthusiastic.  Conflict will arise and members will often question the leader’s decisions or vision for the group.

Stage 3: The Growing Period (7-9 months)
Members of the group have a renewed excitement and energy for the group.  Because the group worked through conflict and dissension, they are in a healthier place and members are ready to contribute to making group happen.

Stage 4 : The End is in Sight (10-12 months)
Everyone is excited and committed to the mission of the group.  In this stage, new leaders emerge and Life Groups can multiply to make room for new people.

Which stage is your group in?
Since the Story Life Groups kicked off about four months ago, many of you will find yourself in Stage 2 – or you’ll likely be entering Stage 2 in the near future.  If you’re in Stage 2, you’ll know it!

Whether or not your group is navigating the challenges of Stage 2 right now, here are a few tips that will help you to lead your group through conflict and dissension.

1. Recognize that conflict is normal!
   When conflict arises in your group, it does NOT indicate a failure in your leadership.  This is normal and necessary.  Don’t give up!  Remind yourself that criticism will come, but try not to take it too personally.
2. Spend more time with the people in your group.
   Draw near to the men and women in your Life Group.  Spend MORE time with them than usual.  Spend time listening to them without changing the mission and purpose of your group.  They need to know that you care.  They need your encouragement to hang in there even if it’s hard.  Remind them that you are their friend.
3. Stay committed to the mission/vision of your group.
   When people in your Life Group question your leadership or the decisions you make, it can make you rethink what you’re doing.  But in this stage of your group, it’s critical to remain committed to the purpose of your group.  Cast the vision for group repeatedly, remind them of your purpose, and then keep pressing them in that direction.  People in your group will want to speak into leadership decisions about how the group will look, and there will be a time for that, but it’s not now.
4. Pray
   Pray for your Life Group.  Pray for everyone in your group and for yourself.  Pray that God would give you strength and wisdom to lead your group and that he would encourage you and the members of your group.

Remember, every Life Group will face conflict and dissension and every Life Group leader will face criticism and challenges of some sort.  This is normal and even healthy!  Because if you can press through the conflict and encourage your group to do the same, you’ll be even healthier and stronger on the other side!  Be encouraged, it’s worth it!  And as always, your Community Life Pastor at Christian Assembly is here to encourage you or meet with you whenever you need it!

To read more about the four stages of a Life Group, click here: 4 Stages of a Life Group.